A letter to my second born…
Over the past 14 weeks, I’ve been trying to put all of my feelings into words. For you are already so different than your big brother and have changed our lives in the most incredible way.
You are truly a miracle. One we weren’t expecting, but the happiest of surprises. For you are our redemption. I can vividly remember the morning I found out I was carrying you. I was shaking with joy and disbelief. After agonizing over tracking my cycle every month and numerous pregnancy tests and trying to get pregnant with our first, we were prepared for a struggle when it came time for baby #2. But you came in and blessed us with ease.
Long before you were here, I was full of worry. I worried about how our lives were going to change. We had just gotten comfortable in our routine as a family of 3. I worried, “how can I love you as much as I do your big brother?” But you have taught me that my heart is capable of multiplying.
And though this pregnancy may not have been as magical as my first, you have given me the birth experience that I felt I was missing out on the first time. You’ve taught me to be more confident and trust my body.
You are my calm in the chaos. The peace I need to balance the wild child ways of our first born. The “go with the flow” to balance your strong-minded and willful brother. Most days I feel like all I do is yell, cook and clean and then look at the clock to see it’s only 9:30am. But as I hold you after your bath and get you ready for bed, you remind me these days are fleeting.
The other day I put away all of your newborn clothes and started folding all of your brother’s size 3 month hand me downs into your drawers. I couldn’t help but tear up. You have taught me to truly embrace every stage. You will be the last time I felt life inside me, my last “bump photo”, my last time home on maternity leave, my last first birthday, and last first Christmas. But yet, it feels right.
Thank you my second born, for you complete our family in every way.