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9 In Baby/ Motherhood/ Support

Lessons learned the first year of motherhood

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breastfeeding, csection, epidural, what i learned my first year postpartum

I did it! I survived the first year (almost) of motherhood. I kept this tiny human alive for just about 365 days (he turns one next weekend). There were many tears, laughs, sleepless nights, large quantities of coffee consumed.  But here’s what I learned:

1.) Throw your plans and schedule to the wind, just go with the flow. 

2.) I never knew a turkey sub could taste so good!

3.) That first bowel movement after a c-section can make you feel like your insides are going to fall out. 

4.) I can function on very little to no sleep. 

5.) Breastfeeding is not as easy as it looks. 

6.) Speaking of breastfeeding, it doesn’t matter how you feed your baby.  

7.) Flexibility is key. 

8.) No one tells you that being a new mom can be depressing and somewhat isolating at first.

9.) But it does get better.

10.) “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is the biggest piece of BS advice. 

11.) But the laundry, dishes, cleaning and everything else can wait. 

12.) Just when you think you have something figured out, your baby will switch it up on you.

13.) Take lots and lots of photos and videos. Babies grow and change at an alarmingly fast speed.

14.) But don’t spend too much time with your face behind a screen. Be in the moment. 

15.) My body is amazing. 

16.) My husband is even more amazing! Not that I didn’t appreciate him before, but after being up at all hours of the night together and seeing him with my son, it’s a whole ‘nother kind of love.

17.) There’s nothing wrong with co-sleeping. Seriously when you just need sleep you’ll do whatever you have to do and I don’t regret a single snooze Maxwell has had on my chest, not a single one.

18.) Don’t sweat the small stuff- sh** literally happens, so does spit up for that matter. 

19.) You realize what’s really important. And everyone has their own priorities and that’s fine, I have my own too. 

20.) I’m more comfortable speaking up for myself and my family. 

21.) Everyone’s going to have something to say but you know what’s best for you and your baby.

22.) Whoever said daytime tv sucks was horribly wrong. I could watch Dateline for hours and hours. 

23.) But sitting at home for 24 hours a day gives me anxiety.

24.) I’m not meant to be a stay at home mom. I need a little adult interaction.

25.) A nice warm shower and brisk walk sometimes are the best medicine.  

26.) And when that fails, there’s nothing a solo trip to Target can’t fix.

27.) Speaking of solo trips to Target, I need my “me-time” and have learned to try to do one thing for myself each day because you can’t give from an empty cup.

28.) Whoever invented yoga pants is seriously the smartest person ever. #momuniform

29.) Sometimes you still just need your mom. 

30.) Leaving your child with someone else eventually does get easier.

31.) Your relationship with your partner will change, try to make time for each other even if it’s just a little date night at home.

32.) Your sex drive will change. Thanks hormones and exhaustion.

33.) It’s ok to cry.

34.) It’s also ok to ask for help.

35.) Find a good group of mom friends. 

36.) Every kid is different.

37.) There’s no “right way” to be a good parent.

38.) Comparison is a thief.

39.) If you feel like your sucking, you’re probably a good parent.

40.) Don’t buy so many toys. Babies can entertain themselves with boxes and containers for hours on end. 

41.) But do buy lots and lots of books.

42.) Baby smiles and belly laughs are better than any antidepressant.

43.) There is nothing quite like seeing your parents become grandparents.

44.) You can never be fully prepared to be a parent, you figure it out as you go.

45.) I can live with the shirt on my back and pasta every night as long as my kid is healthy and happy.

46.) There is no greater joy than watching your baby experience something new for the first time.

47.) But it is also bittersweet because you realize they are getting older.

48.) Mama bear syndrome is real – I’m getting better I think 😉

49.) I always felt bad for moms of boys but being a boy mom is pretty cool.

50.) Just when you think you can’t love your child anymore and your heart may explode, you love them even more.

motherhood has made me tired and happy quote

 

10 In Motherhood/ postpartum/ Support

Learning to love my postpartum body

 

We were on our first vacation as a new family of three.  I was getting ready for the beach and putting on my new one-piece bathing suit when my husband said to me “You look so beautiful.”
“Seriously can you just stop?” I replied as I gave him a look of disgust.
“I wish you were more confident in yourself and could see how incredible you are” my husband said to me.  Looking back, I have always struggled with poor body image.  I’ve never been comfortable being in a bathing suit or wearing shorts. Even when I was fit and toned when I was younger and in high school, I had pictures of thin celebrities plastered everywhere as a “motivator” to myself of how I should be.

Now motherhood has made my skin sag in certain places, I have a permanent scar on my bikini line from my c-section, my stretch marks on my breasts are like a road map, and I still have lumps in my behind from all those fertility injections.  I remember being freshly postpartum and feeling how jiggly my belly was, grabbing my skin that hung over my incision and thinking “I hope breastfeeding sucks me back in”.

But I am learning to love this new body and starting to change my perspective.

Instead I look at all the amazing things this body has done.  For 9 months it was a vessel, growing and nurturing a beautiful life.

Instead I see my postpartum body as a beautiful reminder of my strength, all that I went through to get pregnant and bring my precious son into the world.

When I look at my saggy tummy I remember how incredible it was watching my belly swell as life grew and how it felt to feel life moving inside.

My breasts deflated and nipples calloused are reminders of the sleepless nights nourishing my baby and the sacrifices I made.

I see selflessness of a mother and how I continue to put the needs of my son first. Instead of sessions at the gym I’m home doing endless loads of laundry, preparing meals or snuggling my sweet boy.

But I think the most important thing about learning to love my postpartum body is I can teach my son to respect women’s bodies and that this is what normal looks like – not those photoshopped images of women in magazines.  I can be an example of a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and for that I am grateful.

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12 In Baby/ Motherhood

To the mother suffering from mom guilt let it go

motherhood

 

“Are you breastfeeding?” asked one of my friends who was over visiting me and my new baby. “No, not anymore”, I answered quietly. The judgemental stare on her face said it all, she didn’t have to say anything. “I tried though, it’s really hard”, I added. “I breastfed Sophia for the first year of her life” my friend said smugly. The feeling of guilt swept over me. Why does it matter how you feed your baby?  Or whether you had a c-section or an epidural, or countless other decisions we make as parents. And why do we feel so much guilt? Why are other moms so judgey?

I have to admit, I was one of those people. As a labor and delivery nurse, I thought I knew it all, knew what was best for moms and their babies.  A mom would whip out the bottle to feed her kid and I would secretly think “I wonder why she’s not breastfeeding?”.  Oh how becoming a mother changed all of that.  See when I became pregnant, I had this beautiful plan all laid out of how my birth would go and what kind of parent I would be. Boy was I naive.  The reality is nothing went as I thought it would. I ended up getting induced at 37 weeks and 2 days for preeclampsia, had every intervention under the sun to try and get me into labor, got an epidural and then was a crash c-section because Maxwell’s heart rate dropped after my epidural.  After two weeks of breastfeeding, pumping and supplementing to try and help Maxwell regain his birth weight, I was utterly exhausted, anxious and becoming distant towards my baby. Breastfeeding was becoming unhealthy for me mentally.  After two weeks I made the painful decision to “take the easy way out” and formula feed.  Maxwell started gaining weight, was satisfied after feedings and I was able to enjoy being with my baby again.

Why are we as a society creating unrealistic expectations with sayings like “breast is best” that can lead moms to feel like failures?  As if the postpartum period with all of the changing hormones and new way of life isn’t hard enough lets hold moms to this standard of being this “ideal, perfect” mother on top of everything else that she is going through.  And what makes other moms think that they know what’s best and give them the right to throw shade at other moms for the decisions they make? It’s hard being a mom in today’s culture. We are criticized for every decision we make.

Had a c-section? She took the easy way out.
Had a natural medication free vaginal delivery? Who does she think she is a martyr or something?
Going back to work and sending your kids to daycare? Selfish
Stay at home mom? Slacker
Homeschool your kids? Wierdo.
Oh your kids go to public school? They’re average.
Dress nice and look put together? She puts her own needs before her kids.
Wearing yoga pants and a baseball hat? Slob

Who the hell cares?

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/183943966013654175/

The reality is, there is no right or wrong way to parent your kids.  We’re all just winging this parenthood thing. You try it all and then see what sticks. You know what’s best for you and your baby. Whether you breastfeed or formula feed, had a vaginal delivery or c-section, are a working mom or stay at home mom, the list goes on and on. It truly doesn’t matter. Cut yourself some slack. These babies grow so fast, don’t let comparison trip you up and steal you from relishing in the joys of motherhood.

The bottom line is my kid’s no different than yours.

Sincerely,
this epiduralized, c-section, formula feeding, co-sleeping mama

 

Read some of my other honest words on motherhood

Self Care tips for moms

Why every mom should take a night away

 

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