After our son was born, I resented my husband. Like majorly. He got to go to work and communicate with adults while I stayed home and washed laundry and bottles all day. When I was up breastfeeding the baby in the middle of the night, he was snoring soundly. He didn’t understand the baby’s different cries and sometimes it was easier for me to just do things myself. Some days our only form of communication with each other was sighing when one of us would go to change the baby and we were out of diapers again.
That’s not to say he didn’t help me. He was a huge help, especially when we had our second baby. He kept the oldest occupied so I could tend to our youngest and recover from my csection. But I still held some feelings of resentment towards him. Our relationship had changed and I often felt like we were living on two different planets. This feeling of disconnect after baby is more common than you think. Blame it on hormones, lack of sleep and just having to adjust to new roles but it’s something that every couple faces to an extent after having a baby.
Around the time I was 6 months postpartum and we were out of that new baby season, we decided we needed to make a conscious effort to reconnect with each other and work on our marriage. I’m sharing some easy ways to reconnect with your significant other. Read on below.
Here are 8 ways to reconnect with your significant other after baby:
1.) Go to bed at the same time – Bedtime is a time for couples to talk and be intimate. That time after we’ve put the kids to bed and it’s just us is often the only peace and quiet we get. In addition, it’s also been shown that couples that go to bed at the same time together, sleep better.
2.) Touch each other – hug, hold hands or give each other a massage. Even high-fiving each other after a tough parenting moment can make you feel connected.
3.) Have a date night – Sometimes we put the kids to bed early and sit on the couch with a glass of wine or a beer. Other times, we get someone to watch the kids and go out.
Here are some fun date night ideas
4.) Block out some screen-free time – Schedule some time in your day or your week for “no screen time”. That means no tv’s, no phones, no tablets or technology. Being present with each other not only enhances communication but it also makes each other feel like a priority.
5.) Create your bucket list as a couple – Sharing your goals or dreams that you have for each other and as a couple can help you get to learn about each other more and connect.
6.) Do something active together – whether it be going to the gym together or on a hike, exercise gets your endorphins going.
7.) Learn each other’s Love Language – When we first started dating, I read the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. The book describes that there are 5 ways that people feel love – either by touch, acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, or receiving gifts. You can take the quiz here to learn about which type you and your partner are.
8.) Find a mutual hobby that doesn’t revolve around the kids – Find something that the two of you enjoy doing as a couple. Not only does this give you the opportunity to find something you’re both passionate about, it’s also a common ground that doesn’t revolve around the kids. Rick and I enjoy doing projects together around the house. I usually get the idea, Rick does the work, and then I add my personal touch to finish it off. Seeing our finished product that we created together makes us feel like a team. (Some of our previous projects include whitewashing our fireplace and these DIY engineer prints).
I hope you find these little tips helpful for you and your significant other to re-connect. It’s easy to let our relationships take the backseat when we become parents but our relationship should be a priority too!
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