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1 In mom crush monday/ Motherhood/ parenting

Mom Crush Monday – The Freedom Kids Need from Helicopter Parenting

Happy Monday! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend with your families.  I’m here to bring you another Mom Crush Monday post.  This week I am featuring Sarah from The Halfassed Housewife.  Sarah, The Half-Assed Housewife, spends her sunny southwestern days chasing her herd of kidiots, half-assing housework and sometimes blogging. She likes her coffee as dark as her humor and as strong as her opinions.  I absolutely adore Sarah’s sarcasm and writing and I think you will too! This is one of my favorite posts of hers about helicopter parenting and why she doesn’t watch her kids play.

helicopter parenting

I don’t watch my kids play – the freedom kids need from helicopter parenting

I might be alot of things but a helicopter parent certainly isn’t one of them.  I don’t watch my kids. I don’t control my kids and their playtime or run behind them on the playground. I don’t hover. It wasn’t that long ago that I recall reading articles about free-range parenting (a term which has thankfully faded into the great unknown) and how parents were shamelessly ridiculed for not watching their kids play every moment of every day. 

Let me set the stage before someone calls Child Protection on me for “not watching my kids”. I’m currently not watching them as I type this. There is some army-style sneaking happening by the older kids and the little ones have made a giant mud-puddle after taking it upon themselves to water our newly planted Raspberry bushes and are, I am certain sitting in it.

They are playing, happily.

We have a large yard with a somewhat secure fence on all four sides. We actually have 2 acres of property. Our backfield is fenced so that, in theory, our asshole goats will stay back there. In Theory. We have sheds, wood piles, a “vintage car” parked on the guesthouse lawn, tool shed, four wheelers, trees, grass, sandboxes and mud-pits courtesy of an Idiot Australian Shepherd and a two-year old with a hose.

I can see and hear what it is going on outside almost at all times. When I can’t hear the kids, I go find them. I can spot them from the kitchen window climbing a tree, a fence or an addition they built to their Little Tykes castle using an old trash can.

They have places specifically designed for them. We have a trampoline, we have a swing set, we have a sandbox. Those kid-friendly areas are used frequently but rarely in the way they were intended. The trampoline is more like an MMA octagon, the sandbox is a buffet and the swing set has seen some crazy Ninja Warrior skills from all 3 kids. I have noticed the less I watch the kids, the more adventurous they become. Or, the less they think I am watching them, the more confident they become in themselves. I also notice some wierd things being created by them all. We adults would call them messes but in our brush-off sort of way – but they are masterpieces and feats of engineering in their own respect. They are created by my kids every single day. Had I been hovering or helicoptering my kids, these things never would have been created.

kids play

I have seen some impressive problem-solving occur from the kitchen window as I sip my coffee and don’t hover over my kids like a helicopter. I have watched the three kids form alliances and make deals and solve fights without my ever having to leave the comfort of my living room. Kids who spend the better part of an entire meal pinching, kicking, poking and fighting have spent hours upon hours working together to dig a hole for a fort or collect the perfect rocks for a castle wall. Granted, I have also seen my herd run screaming past the window with sticks. Just because I don’t helicopter does not mean I don’t parent. I took the sticks away and sent them back outside.

I will not hover, control or helicopter parent. I am what I like to think of as a Drone Parent. If I see or hear of something going down I appear from nowhere and shut-that-shit down Drone Strike style without warning. Whenever I see some real shit about to go down I appear magically in the front door, hollering in my most serious mom-voice something along the lines of “absolutely fucking not”. The kids look around as though the Voice of Reason has just called to them and then they quickly scramble to quit doing whatever it was mom caught them doing that they shouldn’t have been. The “absolutely fucking not” is reserved for moments like the time I saw two 7-year-olds transferring a pickaxe and a fire extinguisher from a shed to the backyard for reasons that I could only imagine. Nothing more needed to be said and we haven’t had that issue happen again. Sometimes a quick yell from the window about hitting, sharing, screaming like you’re dying or trying to get out of the gate will suffice.

This drone style parenting is not for the faint of heart. There is a risk that while you cook dinner, three feet from the door your kids will be covering one another head-to-frickin-toe with tile thin-set powder. There is a very good chance that you will have to hose off your child multiple times, probably millions, throughout their childhood. There is a good chance that scrapes and bruises will become commonplace, but you will see that tears and band-aids are only requested when absolutely necessary. I have seen small children tackle tasks much larger than themselves with the determination of a nation. There is a good chance you will start to believe that when a tiny voice tells you “NO! I CAN DO IT!” that they can.

Not a helicopter.

I had read an article months ago about somewhere in Europe creating what basically amounted to a Junk Yard where parents weren’t allowed beyond the gate so that kids could do what kids are supposed to do. Apparently, that is break shit and get tetanus. I wouldn’t necessarily take my kids to this pre-fab junkyard to bounce around BUT letting them explore their own surroundings, at their own will, without my constant hovering, nagging, directing and fun-stealing has really allowed everyone to grow.

I don’t miss anything because what I don’t see while peering at my children occasionally they excitedly tell me about. Tugging my shirt to come see their sand castle, mud pie, rock pile – or telling stories over dinner about their day. Sometimes they don’t tell us. Sometimes their dad and I will be out wandering the yard and find something that looks like an army fort or a ramp or who knows what. We found some Hay Hooks in the bushes once. Immediately moved those out of reach, but I bet that was a really fun game of pirates.

 Thanks so much Sarah for the laughs and a funny start to our Monday!

Are you a helicopter mom, drone parent or somewhere in the middle?

5 In Lifestyle/ Motherhood/ Support

Millennial Mamas and how we are redefining motherhood

Millennial Mamas redefining motherhood

Millennial mamas are changing the face of motherhood as we know it.  By definition a millennial is anyone born from the early 1980s-early 2000s. We have been described as being self-involved (let me take a selfie), lazy and entitled but when it comes to motherhood we can teach the other generations a thing or two.

Here are some of the ways millennial mamas prove we are the generation that kicks ass.

1.) We are educated – According to the White House Council of Economic Advisors, more millennials have a college education compared to any other generation.  And you know what they say, knowledge is power.

2.) We are independent– Due to all that education, more and more mamas are bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan! In fact, many moms say that working gives them a sense of identity in addition to mom, but we are always mom first. And now more than ever there are more single moms raising kids by themselves, balancing that work and homelife. Our generation was taught how to take care of ourselves and we don’t do it because we have to but because we choose to.

3.) We’re technologically savvy – From the good old days of the original Oregon Trail on those big clunky computers to macbook pros, Siri, and Alexa, we have watched the face of technology change right before our very eyes. So it’s no wonder we are the most technologically sound. It has been estimated that we spend on average about 17.4 hours per week on social media.  We are connected and informed and it allows us to make educated choices. Where our parents turned to their families for advice, we have Google and mom blogs. We also have a huge support system across all of our feeds where we inspire and empower each other #communityovercompetition #werisebyliftingothers.

4.) We value family – Maybe it’s because we are busier more than ever and we don’t all work a traditional 9-5 job, but we look forward to family dinners and spending time together on the weekends. In fact it has been found that millennial parents are spending more time with their children than parents did in the 50’s and 60’s. And what’s even more, millennial moms enjoy motherhood.

5.) We are health conscious and care about a company’s values – Our kids eat organic pureed kale, we love our essential oils and we shop local. The reality is, there are more and more chronic comorbidities and we want our families to be healthy and they deserve the best quality.  And we know it’s important to teach our children about recycling, sustainable living and taking care of our bodies.

6.) We are real – Think of Pink’s selfie where she was breastfeeding her son while getting her makeup done before doing a concert (All the praise hands!) We are raw. And we embrace imperfecton. We know it’s ok if we can’t shower every day, the kids have too much screen time so we can clean the house, or we’re walking around with spit up on our sweater. We’re all human and we’ve all been there.

So there ya have it. Millennial mamas – we are smart, multitasking, powerful women who embrace #momlife and can truly have it all. So instead of cringing, I couldn’t be more proud to be lumped into the category of “milennial” right about now. 

So go ahead and share this post with your mom tribe!

millennial mama

10 In Motherhood/ pregnancy/ Support

30 Things your Labor & Delivery Nurse wants you to know

 

It has been absolutely balls to the walls at work the past few weeks (thanks to Valentine’s Day and the release of 50 Shades Darker 9 months ago – hello job security!)  By the end of the day I’m starving, haven’t peed, my feet ache, I’m cranky to my husband and I’ve been away from my son for over 12 hours, but I still go back to work wanting more. Why? Because I have the best job in the world.  Don’t get me wrong, when it’s a bad day, it’s a horrible, unimaginable bad day. But I feel so privileged to be a part of so many women’s lives, through the highs and the lows.  

Here are 30 things your labor and delivery nurse wants you to know:

1.) Whether your baby comes out the vagina or you had a c-section – it doesn’t make you any more or less of a mother.
2.) Same goes for whether you went all natural or had an epidural – it doesn’t make your baby any different.
3.) But if it’s your goal to go all natural we will bust our butts to help get you there.
4.) We’ve seen all sorts of vaginas and they’re all different, And we won’t remember what yours looked like. 
5.) Being upright is your best friend – walk, get on the birth ball, dance. Whatever you do don’t just lay in bed.
6.) Babies don’t come with handles, we can’t just yank them out.
7.) Breast or formula, it’s up to you, fed is best!
8.) Nipples – they come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
9.) We may tell you you’re 8-9 cms, there’s a good bet your fully dilated, but we know its best for you and your baby if we let you labor down.
10.) There’s alot of swelling that goes on down there so don’t be surprised if yours looks like a ciabatta roll the next day. We can make you a magical diaper pack with ice, witch hazel and dermoplast
11.) We have no problem kicking all your family and friends out of the room so you can rest, have some private time with your partner or if they’re simply driving you crazy!
12.) When you came through our doors and there was no heartbeat, please know as soon as we walked out to our car we burst into tears and cried the whole way home.
13.) And when we got home we didn’t say a word to our families that night we just hugged our babies tight.
14.) We still pray for you and think of you. 
15.) If you come in with a birth plan, we’ll start prepping for your c-section because nothing ever goes to plan.
16.) If you’re a redhead, we will have every anti-hemmorrhage medication in the room and the hemorrhage cart outside the door because there’s a good chance you are going to bleed out on us and we want to ward off any bad juju.
17.) There is no evidence based research as to the benefits of consuming your placenta – just because the Kardashians did it doesn’t make it right.
18.) We don’t care that you lost your mucus plug and no we don’t want to see.
19.) Just because you’re 1-2 cms dilated or one day past your due date doesn’t mean your in labor – go home and labor in the comfort of your own home where you can eat and drink.
20) Also you’re not in active labor until you’re 5-6 cms dilated so don’t listen to those people that tell you they were in labor for 72 hours.
21.) Also being pregnant does not entitle you to be excused from work so don’t ask for a work note – We work 12 hour days on our feet holding heavy epiduralized legs pushing with our patients for 4 hours without eating or drinking and often times work right up until we deliver.
22.) We probably haven’t peed since before we left our house for work that day.
23.) And there’s a good chance we haven’t eaten either unless a family brings us food.
24.) Our families sacrifice alot – were gone most weekends and holidays and at work from sun up until sun down so please don’t be rude. 
25.) Make sure your partner or support person stays hydrated and fed – we don’t have time to pick them up off the floor. 
26.) Laboring in the shower, tub or on the toilet can do wonders.
27.) We may contort you into a bunch of crazy different positions that we know have successfully worked to get someone to deliver.
28.) Being in labor and something about new babies brings out the crazy in some people and their families. We’ve seen it all and nothing surprises us anymore.
29.) You have a right to ask questions and refuse anything. And we will advocate for you.
30.)  We still think birth is magical and we have the best jobs in the world. 

30 things your labor nurse wants you to know



9 In Baby/ Motherhood/ Support

Lessons learned the first year of motherhood

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breastfeeding, csection, epidural, what i learned my first year postpartum

I did it! I survived the first year (almost) of motherhood. I kept this tiny human alive for just about 365 days (he turns one next weekend). There were many tears, laughs, sleepless nights, large quantities of coffee consumed.  But here’s what I learned:

1.) Throw your plans and schedule to the wind, just go with the flow. 

2.) I never knew a turkey sub could taste so good!

3.) That first bowel movement after a c-section can make you feel like your insides are going to fall out. 

4.) I can function on very little to no sleep. 

5.) Breastfeeding is not as easy as it looks. 

6.) Speaking of breastfeeding, it doesn’t matter how you feed your baby.  

7.) Flexibility is key. 

8.) No one tells you that being a new mom can be depressing and somewhat isolating at first.

9.) But it does get better.

10.) “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is the biggest piece of BS advice. 

11.) But the laundry, dishes, cleaning and everything else can wait. 

12.) Just when you think you have something figured out, your baby will switch it up on you.

13.) Take lots and lots of photos and videos. Babies grow and change at an alarmingly fast speed.

14.) But don’t spend too much time with your face behind a screen. Be in the moment. 

15.) My body is amazing. 

16.) My husband is even more amazing! Not that I didn’t appreciate him before, but after being up at all hours of the night together and seeing him with my son, it’s a whole ‘nother kind of love.

17.) There’s nothing wrong with co-sleeping. Seriously when you just need sleep you’ll do whatever you have to do and I don’t regret a single snooze Maxwell has had on my chest, not a single one.

18.) Don’t sweat the small stuff- sh** literally happens, so does spit up for that matter. 

19.) You realize what’s really important. And everyone has their own priorities and that’s fine, I have my own too. 

20.) I’m more comfortable speaking up for myself and my family. 

21.) Everyone’s going to have something to say but you know what’s best for you and your baby.

22.) Whoever said daytime tv sucks was horribly wrong. I could watch Dateline for hours and hours. 

23.) But sitting at home for 24 hours a day gives me anxiety.

24.) I’m not meant to be a stay at home mom. I need a little adult interaction.

25.) A nice warm shower and brisk walk sometimes are the best medicine.  

26.) And when that fails, there’s nothing a solo trip to Target can’t fix.

27.) Speaking of solo trips to Target, I need my “me-time” and have learned to try to do one thing for myself each day because you can’t give from an empty cup.

28.) Whoever invented yoga pants is seriously the smartest person ever. #momuniform

29.) Sometimes you still just need your mom. 

30.) Leaving your child with someone else eventually does get easier.

31.) Your relationship with your partner will change, try to make time for each other even if it’s just a little date night at home.

32.) Your sex drive will change. Thanks hormones and exhaustion.

33.) It’s ok to cry.

34.) It’s also ok to ask for help.

35.) Find a good group of mom friends. 

36.) Every kid is different.

37.) There’s no “right way” to be a good parent.

38.) Comparison is a thief.

39.) If you feel like your sucking, you’re probably a good parent.

40.) Don’t buy so many toys. Babies can entertain themselves with boxes and containers for hours on end. 

41.) But do buy lots and lots of books.

42.) Baby smiles and belly laughs are better than any antidepressant.

43.) There is nothing quite like seeing your parents become grandparents.

44.) You can never be fully prepared to be a parent, you figure it out as you go.

45.) I can live with the shirt on my back and pasta every night as long as my kid is healthy and happy.

46.) There is no greater joy than watching your baby experience something new for the first time.

47.) But it is also bittersweet because you realize they are getting older.

48.) Mama bear syndrome is real – I’m getting better I think 😉

49.) I always felt bad for moms of boys but being a boy mom is pretty cool.

50.) Just when you think you can’t love your child anymore and your heart may explode, you love them even more.

motherhood has made me tired and happy quote